YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH, YOUNG LADY!

I heard that statement a lot in my youth. I remember this one particular time when I was about 16 years old, there was something my parents wanted me to do, and I did not want to do it. I mean I really, really, really didn’t want to do it and I was trying to let them know it.

My dad spoke for both of them, telling me I needed to go. I said I didn’t want to.

He repeated I needed to go. I again said that I didn’t want to.

Then he raised his voice and played the Parent Card, “I said you’re going!”

I raised my voice and said I wasn’t. He spoke louder, I spoke louder, until the warning words came out of his mouth and I knew I needed to comply.

I can look back and see that the way I trying to let them know I was serious was by getting louder in my responses. My dad was getting louder and louder, and I was matching him.

Needless to say it didn’t go well for me. I’ll share more about that in a minute, but for now I’m wanting to look at what was actually happening.

I don’t think this is an untypical interaction between adult and child. Wait, let me say that differently. This was not an untypical interaction in my house between my dad and me. In fact, during my teenage years the only communication between my dad and me was in the form of “The Yell” Yelling back and forth was our way of communicating. We didn't seem to know any other way.

And that’s the key.

We actually were trying to communicate. Trying is the operative word here. The problem was that neither of us knew how to communicate. My dad was not taught by his parents (or school, business, religious orgs, etc.) which means I was not taught by my parents (or school, business, religious orgs, etc.)

So, what are people to do? How can we communicate in way that is satisfactory to both parties when no one really knows how? It seems impossible, and yet it’s not.

It was about 30 years ago when Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer coined the term emotional intelligence. We’re talking back in 1990. Sometime during the 1990’s Daniel Goleman became aware of their work and capitalized on it (I mean that in a good way). Essentially emotional intelligence is being able to connect with yourself emotionally and empathize with others emotionally (aka social intelligence).

What happens when people do this successfully is a mutually beneficial plan emerges that is for the good of all involved. It’s actually quite beautiful! It allows for intimate communication and connection, better self-awareness and understanding, and being able to better manage your emotions.

What's happens when people do not posses a healthy amount of emotional intelligence?

The opposite happens. There’s disconnection, which results in anger, arguments, apathy, blame, aloneness, helplessness, worthlessness, feeling flawed and more.

Aside from apathy, that argument with my dad contained all of the above emotions and more. And, I’d be willing to bet he felt them too. Only he was covering his lack with the power of position (meaning he was the parent and felt he had the right to dictate).

All too often other people are trying to communicate with us, get their point across, trying to get us to understand …. and we can’t.

It’s not that we don’t want to, it’s that we’ve never been taught HOW to. For the overwhelming majority of us we weren’t taught in our home, at school, in business, religion, not anywhere.

I’ve been teaching EIQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient) for years now. I’ve helped numerous people find such incredible peace inside finally getting the information they’ve been looking for to help with so many problems that create disconnection.

I want to share how powerful it is to learn about what EIQ is, how it works, the importance and benefits of it, and how anyone can learn it. It’s not hard to learn, it’s not hard to understand. But, until you become aware of what it is and how it works, you won’t be able to magically just change your situation.

Things don’t change … but how you interact with yourself and others can.

I’d love to share this amazing and life-calming information with you, and how it will shift you from disconnection and loneliness to connection and intimacy.

If this sounds like something you’d like to know more about, please join my complementary EIQ Webinar by [CLICKING HERE]. (Complimentary tickets via EventBrite.)